Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
