I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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