normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
