when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
