mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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