I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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