ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Fuck appropriateness.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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