a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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