I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
