They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
