Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
