Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
