Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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