You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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