Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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