and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then he tried to convert me to islam
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
