The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
