What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
