I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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