This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
