So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
