My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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