I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
