my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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