I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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