He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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