oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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