Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
