I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
