so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
