I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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