I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
