You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
3 2 1 whiskey
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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