Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
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I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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