Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
