plz talk dirty to me
I wannas sexs uuuuu
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
