I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
