Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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