smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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