I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
