I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
