last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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