I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
