Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
