Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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