Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
