it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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