Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
