you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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