honey bunches of taint.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
