i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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