I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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