just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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