this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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