apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
nutella sex= disaster
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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