Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
