Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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