4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
