Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
