he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We got so high we made milksteak
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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