HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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