the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
