he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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