cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
