can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
