Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
