i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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