he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
