your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
