So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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