How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
