i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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