Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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