Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
