I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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