my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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