Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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