For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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