I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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