He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
