So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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