Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
