Farmville is her only friend.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
