i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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