my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
