so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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