he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
